Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot about Modernist Cuisine by Nathan Myhrvold, Chris Young, and Maxime Bilet. It sounds like a really interesting book, combining food science, photography, and recipes. In a radio interview, Myhrvold described new techniques for cooking classic dishes, like hamburgers (sous vide to cook the meat, then a liquid nitrogen dip to freeze the outer layer, then a final deep fry to form a crust without overcooking the chilled burger) and brisket (smoke, sous vide, liquid nitrogen, then deep fry). I began to wonder — why hadn’t I heard of deep-fried burgers before? Doesn’t that seem like something that would be popular at county fairs? And how would the sous vide + liquid nitrogen + deep fry technique work on other classics, like chocolate cake or Caesar salad?
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Tag: humor
National Barbecue Day
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to break with the culinary traditions which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the superior cooking methodology to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all meats are created uncooked, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain undeniable Characteristics, that among these are Flavour, Texture and the potential for Deliciousness.–That to attain this potential, Procedures are performed by Men, deriving their results from the application of heat, –That whenever any new Procedure for Cooking becomes more likely to achieve these ends, it is the Right of the People to adopt it.
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Dear Future Houseguest
I’m so glad you’re coming to visit. For your convenience, I’ve compiled this list of things you should probably know to make your stay more comfortable:
1. The wiring in the guest room has one tiny quirk: you’ll get an electric shock whenever you touch the light switch. Also, when you turn the lights on, you might notice a faint burnt-toast smell that gets stronger over time. But the lights themselves work just fine.
2. An occasional indoor termite swarm is perfectly natural and not a cause for alarm.
Twelve Things I Wish I’d Known About Insects
- Termites are endemic in California. Houses that are sold here are typically tented for termites during the period after the seller moves out and before the buyer moves in.
- Ants are endemic in California.
- Termites and ants are natural enemies that fight over territory. Ants living outside a house that has recently been tented for termites will move into the walls and feast on termite corpses, while you, the new homeowner, remain blissfully ignorant because none of the approximately three hundred people involved in the real estate transaction will have bothered to mention this simple fact to you.
- The gas used to kill termites has no effect on the ants that will later eat them.
- Eventually, the ants that move into your walls will either run out of termite meat or grow bored of their all-termite diet. At that point, they will begin to leave the walls to look for food sources inside the house.
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Too Much of a Good Thing
They say the housefly is nature’s cat toy, and it’s true: an occasional fly can provide a cat with food and entertainment for minutes on end. But a dozen flies inside the house, all at the same time, is just too much of a good thing — I know, because that’s what I woke up to last Sunday morning. It was just like Lord of the Flies, or what Lord of the Flies would have been like if it had been about actual flies instead of schoolboys and had taken place in a house instead of on an island, and if the characters, instead of turning feral, had basically just hung out in windows all day. Or maybe it was more like what Lord of the Rings would have been like if the Hobbits had been flies who, lacking fingers, were unfamiliar with the concept of wearing a ring and had spent the entire time hanging around in the Shire, which is well known in some academic circles to be an allegory for my house.
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My Son Keeps Seeing Bees But There Is No Bees
I was looking at my search terms the other day to see if I needed to update my open letter to anyone directed here by a search engine, and I came across this:
MY SON KEEPS SEEING BEES BUT THERE IS NO BEES
Actually, WordPress always shows search terms in lower case, but I’m convinced that whoever typed this query used all caps. Either way, it’s clearly a cry for help, so I’m going to address the rest of today’s post to that person.
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Three Ways in Which You, the Readers of My Blog, Have Failed Me
As I’m sure you know by now, I’m not one to complain, but there are a few matters I need to bring to your attention:
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My Decision to Discontinue My Participation in the Spring Valley Herald’s Weekly Caption Contest
From: wordlover79@hotmail.com
To: ombudsman@springvalleyherald.com
Cc: captioncontest@springvalleyherald.com
Subject: Serious problems with your weekly caption contest
—
Dear Spring Valley Herald Ombudsman,
I’ve been a loyal reader of your newspaper for many years, and of the online version since you first launched your website. It is with great sadness, then, that I must inform you that I will no longer be participating in your weekly caption contest. Although I’ve made every possible effort to work things out with your caption contest editor, he’s been completely unreasonable, as I’m sure you’ll agree.
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What’s Wrong With This Picture?
I bought some bay leaves at the supermarket the other day, and this is what I saw when I took the top off the jar.
For some reason, all the soups and stews I’ve made recently have tasted like they’re missing an herb. But on the bright side, I think this jar of bay leaves will last a long, long time.
Feline Kinetic Gastronomy
The Feline Kinetic Gastronomy movement, while growing in popularity, is still relatively unknown. Its objective is to nourish the cat’s body and spirit by combining food and art. A Feline Kinetic Gastronomy dish can be considered both a meal and a kinetic art installation, providing something to eat and something to do. Note: it’s important not to confuse Feline Kinetic Gastronomy with Canine Kinetic Gastronomy. The role of the cat is very different in the two cuisines.
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Unlikely Explanations 